So I was just reading over the other posts in my blog, and I sound like such a whiner!
It's terrible... I hate when people whine about their lives. And now I have become one of them.

So, in response to my last post, things have gotten a lot better. My grades are going up, and I've gotten in better shape, and I'm feeling more positive... so that's good.

As well, in response to another post, I also have a huge crush on this girl. Isn't it funny how you can just suddenly look at someone in a certain way, and realize that they are really cute, funny, etc.?
Like, this girl, I kind of had a flirtation with her in grade 9, when our projects were next to each other at the science fair (yes, I know, nerdy), but I had a girlfriend then, so I ignored it. We didn't really hang out too uch in grade 10, but we became friends in grade 11, and now, we've become really good friends this past year. And now I've realized how great she is, but its almost the end of grade12, and even if we do get together, were not gonna have any time.
My friends have been teasing us about getting together, without knowing that I like her. Timing just sucks... anyways, anyone have any advice? i don't know whether to ask her out or not, especially seeing how were graduating... I want to get out of high school...

i should do homework, but ill post later



My new leaf

So, I have been failing lately. Not at anything in particular, just, well, everything... I have actually been doing terribly in school, which is terrible, because its not that I don't get the material, but I just can't concentrate to do the work. I'm going for some testing later in the month to see if I have something, but whatever... everything still sucks...

There's nothing interesting anymore. I'm starting to think that maybe all those superficial people with their irrelevant drama had something right. See, when you have drama in your life, stupid or not, it makes things interesting, it gives you a reason to live. Drama gives you something to dwell on, to avoid thinking of all the depressing things of life. But, I have no drama. No good drama, anyways. Just school and my future and my friends (or lack of those lately).

I can't wait to get out of high school. To get to a point where people stop taking stupid things so seriously and just chill.
Like, when someone is hanging around me or wants to be my friend, that's cool. Lately I've gotten past caring whether they are annoying or stupid or all the other stuff people complain about them. What's the point of wasting my time caring about that. If someone wants to be my friend, I'll be their friend too. I hate this whole exclusivity thing. It's only to feel superior. I have friends who ask me why I am friends with , say, the more "nerdy" population at our school. and I say "why not? they're nicer than you. They'll do favours for you, they'll care about what you have to say, they're more than just self centred. Why exclude them because they might not be as socially suave as others"
There was this one kid last year who was pretty off the wall. Everyone talked about him, and how weird he was, blah blah blah, same old, same old. But I respect him for standing up and doing what he enjoys. He is truly himself, and I admire that. He knows what people say but he doesn't care, cause he's got his friends. I think that's the most important thing. And then these other people think I'm weird for saying that I respect him. Why do they get to feel all superior? Because they're in a band? Because they have blonde hair? Because they have boyfriends or girlfriends? Half of them can't even pass any of their subjects, and then they call other people stupid. Whoever created high school must have been out of their minds to not foresee what would come out of sticking thousands of pubescent teens under one roof to try to make them learn. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my rant of the month.

All I can say is I'm glad I'm getting out of this place in six months.


Chistmas, Christmas time is near (i quote the chipmunks)

It's almost Christmas...yay...

I'm looking forward to some time off school. Whoever said that grade 12 was easy should be knocked across the head with a shillalah ( an irish club used as a weapon to hit others with).

Life has been... well, uneventful, at least in the sense of things that one would talk about in conversation with acquaintances... the only "events" have been arguing with my mother, avoiding my friend, who is a girl, who treats me as if I'm her boyfriend, though we have no interest in each other, and she is quite abusive of my kindness towards her.

University applications are due in January. I applied to all the Canadian schools of interest... still nervous about getting in though...

Ah, school's boring, lets talk about something else...

I think I want a girlfriend... I haven't been in a relationship for a while (if you call teenage dating a "relationship") and am looking for something new.

You know what sucks though? Asking girls out. It's terrible. My girl- friends (friends who are girls) tell me that i should just ask a girl out, and if she says no, so what? But it's not like that at all. If I get turned down, the rumours start flying that I was completely in love with this girl, and was crushed when she turned me down and then everyone thinks I'm pathetic.
If I'm going to ask a girl out, I want to know that they like me, or at least have some sort of interest in me, and that there is an attraction between us. I don't want to ask a girl out blindly and risk rejection. I am terribly afraid of rejection.
Anyways, do all you girls realize how hard it is to know if you like a guy or not? It's not about giving signals, its just that all girls act differently. Some are flirty to all guys, and you can't tell the difference if they like you or are just playing.

I have to go, but you girls shouold know how confusing you are... I'll continue this later


A New Post

A new post... after, what, two months? more than that, probably...
I should be doing French homework, but I really don't want to... I'm avoiding it...

My life has been so boring, it's beyond depressing... go to work, do homework, watch tv, try to read ( even though I can't read anymore because of my extreme lack of concentration, which sucks, considering I am quite the bibliophile). I am just a boring old pile of teenager...

I have no clue what I want to do with my life... I hate the fact that I have to decide so soon... I'm just not ready... I don't know whether to do what I know will make me happy, or to do what I know I'll be successful at.

Growing up, everyone always told me what I should be. The only problem is, they never really agreed. I've had people telling me to become a writer, a scientist, a doctor, an actor, a radio DJ, a psychologist, a teacher, even a pastor, and the list goes on. All of these sound... interesting, but would I want to do these things for the rest of my life? Would I actually like it?

My best marks in school are in the sciences and math... I find these subjects interesting and fun, and I'm good at them, but to me, if I did something in the arts for my life, I would be happier. My parents would never agree. It's not like they're those parents in the movies, telling their kid what to be and how to be it; they just know that the ats aren't stable, and I get that completely. They think that if I am lucky enough to have abilities in the sciences, than I should use them.

I don't know what to do. I'm the worst decision maker.I have trouble deciding what to eat, let alone what to do with my life. I'm freaked out. Seriously freaked out. And then I see all these adults around me, like my parents, ad my coworkers, who just landed in their jobs. They didn't know what they wanted to do with their lives, but theyjust took their paths... do I want to do that, or do I want to know what I want?What is the best way to go about making this decision? How do I know? Is it a gut feeling, like how you apparently feel like you know that that special someone is "the one"? is it the same with your career?

Now that I think about it, jobs and relationships are similar. You have interviews, you get to know each other, sometimes you get a new job, sometimes you stick with the old. Sometimes the job you end up with surprises you...who knows...

All I know it that I am in a constant state of confusion at present, and I just want it to GO AWAY!


So, I haven't posted in a while...I've been busy with getting back to school, and I've been sick. And no one's visited my blog anyways *hangs head*, so I guess it doesn't matter anyways...

You know when people, instead of asking you how you are, or how its going, ask,"How's life treating you?"... that's always bugged me. The phrase should be "how are you treating life". Isnt that the better question? I mean, all the bad stuff is IN life, its not caused by it. How we treat life is the bigger issue. How are we choosing to live? Are we doing the things we want to do? do we make time for the important things? Isnt it how we treat life the thing that determines its quality? We should take some responsibility for our crappy lives, instead of blaming other people and things. The truly happy people make their lives happy; they work at making it that way. We need to get out of our funk and actually live the way we want to. We don't have tpo be doctors and lawyers, and make lots of money if we never get any time to enjoy life. In my opinion, all I'll need/want in life is a library card, a tv with digital cable and a pvr, a roof over my head, and a buspass, and I'll be fine... oh, and a computer...

On to another note, I'm going to France next spring. Its for the 90th anniversary of Vimy Ridge, and I get to be a part of the ceremony and stuff. It will be cool for a history kid like me. I've never been overseas, so I'm looking forward to it...just wanted to let someone know...see ya...


New year, new beginnings

So, today was my first day back to school. It wasn't really a real day, because we only went in to school for about an hour to get our schedules.
It was okay. I used to have long hair, but over the summer i cut it short, for the first time in about 6 years. People seemed to like it.
I'm nervous this year. It's my last year, my final chance to make an impression. When people remember in years to come, they'll remember the version of me from this year.
I'm not the most popular kid. I wouldn't want popularity, it's too much work. I have my friends, a msaller group, but were close. We really only started hanging out a lot last year. We had instant chemistry, and we all thought that we would be great friends forever. Lame, I know. But it worked. At least until we realised that one o the girls that hung out with us was a total bitch, mean to everyone and was only wanting popularity. See, I'm not popular, but I'm well liked. But she's not either, popular or well liked. The other two in our group, a girl and another guy, are popular. And this other girls was only looking for popularity. For me, being popular would be a reason NOT to hang out with them. But they're still my friends.

So this group of friends that last year I thought was wonderful, is almost fully dissolved. And that sucks, because that means I'll have to branch out and find other friends, for the third time since I got to high school.

Though I'm scared to leave the bubble of high school, I still am happy to leave behind the trivialities of it and finally find some true friends. But , who really knows. Maybe I'll get to university and nothing will actually change. Whatever I do, things can always go wrond.


I was at work today. We have a newer girl(she's more like a woman, I guess) at work. She is the most dim witted person I have ever met (save my grandfather, but he's practically senile) without having any mental deficiencies (that we know of).
My boss is extremely annoyed with her. He wants to transfer her to another branch. Apparently she's been working there for 20 years, yet she has to ask me all sorts of questions about how to do her job, and I've only been working there for a month and a half.

Sometimes I wonder about intelligence. I have been told by certain people that I am smarter than certain adults. Is that true? Who can tell? IQ tests don't do shit. They measure one type of "smartness". They measure one's aptness, ability to understand and analyze certain select concepts. The don't measure street smarts. They don't measure charisma or manipulative skills. They can't measure anything having to do with people smarts.

At my school, I am in the International Baccalaureate program. It's about the best advanced program you can be in in my school board. There are two, wait, scratch that, a few types of people in the program.

The first are the driven kids. I don't mean to racially profile, but a lot of these kinds of kids are Asian, Indian or of other ethnicities than Caucasian. They aren't really smart. I do better than they do on the standardized tests. BUT, they work their asses off to get 90's. They study constantly, do all their homework even if they have to stay up all night (and it IS only homework), and they make sure that they put everything into all their projects and not procrastinate.
These kids do well in school. On the street, they would die. If they were let out of their little bubble they would suffocate. They are very nice though (but often called nerds). But on an IQ test, they would measure about average, or a little bit above.
The second type of kid are the popular kids who are made to go into the program by there parents. They aren't smart enough to be in the program, and they have no work drive/ethic. They ride on their social skills. They are popular, funny, can carry on an average conversation. They will get through life with their people skills, and little else. They are the ones who can sweet talk the driven kids into making study notes for them.
On an IQ test, they would crash and burn, because IQ tests can't measure people skills.

And then, there is the final group, of which I am a member. The smart slacker/closet intellectual group. We get by with our natural smarts. We never do our homework, we are extreme procrastinators, and we don't care about school enough, because we are bored of it. We love to read, fiction, fantasy, philosophy, anything stimulating, but we cannot focus at all into school work. We do best on the standardized tests, like IQ tests, but when people look at our grades, we look like we are barely mediocre. Our curse is that we have no drive, and that we cannot ever do any work. We think to much for our own good. We are too lazy to succeed in life, though we have the mental ability to do so. We just don't care. ( I'm not trying to make myself look smart here, My social skills lack, and I can't do work to save my life. I am jealous of the other two groups).

My point is that IQ tests cannot measure the entirety of someone's mental talents/abilities, or measure how successful someone will do in life. I will probably end up in some crappy job, even if I get a university degree, while the driven kids will go on to be doctors, and make a shitload of money, and the popular kids will become politicians and lawyers and earn a shitload of money as well. I will probably be still in post-secondary edu long after the other two groups have left, still trying to decide what pointless career I want to have in life . I am doomed.

We are all gifted in our own way, and there is no test or evaluations to completely measure our abilities.