Chistmas, Christmas time is near (i quote the chipmunks)

It's almost Christmas...yay...

I'm looking forward to some time off school. Whoever said that grade 12 was easy should be knocked across the head with a shillalah ( an irish club used as a weapon to hit others with).

Life has been... well, uneventful, at least in the sense of things that one would talk about in conversation with acquaintances... the only "events" have been arguing with my mother, avoiding my friend, who is a girl, who treats me as if I'm her boyfriend, though we have no interest in each other, and she is quite abusive of my kindness towards her.

University applications are due in January. I applied to all the Canadian schools of interest... still nervous about getting in though...

Ah, school's boring, lets talk about something else...

I think I want a girlfriend... I haven't been in a relationship for a while (if you call teenage dating a "relationship") and am looking for something new.

You know what sucks though? Asking girls out. It's terrible. My girl- friends (friends who are girls) tell me that i should just ask a girl out, and if she says no, so what? But it's not like that at all. If I get turned down, the rumours start flying that I was completely in love with this girl, and was crushed when she turned me down and then everyone thinks I'm pathetic.
If I'm going to ask a girl out, I want to know that they like me, or at least have some sort of interest in me, and that there is an attraction between us. I don't want to ask a girl out blindly and risk rejection. I am terribly afraid of rejection.
Anyways, do all you girls realize how hard it is to know if you like a guy or not? It's not about giving signals, its just that all girls act differently. Some are flirty to all guys, and you can't tell the difference if they like you or are just playing.

I have to go, but you girls shouold know how confusing you are... I'll continue this later

A New Post

A new post... after, what, two months? more than that, probably...
I should be doing French homework, but I really don't want to... I'm avoiding it...

My life has been so boring, it's beyond depressing... go to work, do homework, watch tv, try to read ( even though I can't read anymore because of my extreme lack of concentration, which sucks, considering I am quite the bibliophile). I am just a boring old pile of teenager...

I have no clue what I want to do with my life... I hate the fact that I have to decide so soon... I'm just not ready... I don't know whether to do what I know will make me happy, or to do what I know I'll be successful at.

Growing up, everyone always told me what I should be. The only problem is, they never really agreed. I've had people telling me to become a writer, a scientist, a doctor, an actor, a radio DJ, a psychologist, a teacher, even a pastor, and the list goes on. All of these sound... interesting, but would I want to do these things for the rest of my life? Would I actually like it?

My best marks in school are in the sciences and math... I find these subjects interesting and fun, and I'm good at them, but to me, if I did something in the arts for my life, I would be happier. My parents would never agree. It's not like they're those parents in the movies, telling their kid what to be and how to be it; they just know that the ats aren't stable, and I get that completely. They think that if I am lucky enough to have abilities in the sciences, than I should use them.

I don't know what to do. I'm the worst decision maker.I have trouble deciding what to eat, let alone what to do with my life. I'm freaked out. Seriously freaked out. And then I see all these adults around me, like my parents, ad my coworkers, who just landed in their jobs. They didn't know what they wanted to do with their lives, but theyjust took their paths... do I want to do that, or do I want to know what I want?What is the best way to go about making this decision? How do I know? Is it a gut feeling, like how you apparently feel like you know that that special someone is "the one"? is it the same with your career?

Now that I think about it, jobs and relationships are similar. You have interviews, you get to know each other, sometimes you get a new job, sometimes you stick with the old. Sometimes the job you end up with surprises you...who knows...

All I know it that I am in a constant state of confusion at present, and I just want it to GO AWAY!